I watched her grow and become happy and healthy in my "no pet" apartment. As she did this, it became more and more difficult to keep her hidden. She enjoyed running up and down the hallway growling at nothing. She became such a comforting part of my routine. As I got ready for work in the mornings I would listen to her scampering noises and it made the start of every day pleasant, even at a time in my life that was difficult. We would soon have to leave this apartment because Meg was not going to remain hidden for any reason. I actually bought my first home because finding an apartment that was right for her was impossible.
In the years that would follow, she would help me train for my first half marathon. She would swim laps with me when I was rehabbing from knee surgery. She would lie at my feet as I wrote my first novel. She would be the dearest friend I've ever known.
This week, Meg's beautiful existence on this Earth came to an end. It hit me much harder than I had expected. I spent two days at home alone, crying. Sobbing really. Unable to even respond to the countless friends who were trying to check in on me. I didn't want to share my pain and sorrow. I didn't want anyone to know how emotional I was. I was a bit ashamed of how hard I was taking the loss. She was, after all, just a dog.
Just the week before, I had been having lunch with a brand new acquaintance. A song came on as the background music in the restaurant, and this new acquaintance teared up. She said, "Sorry. This song reminds me of my best friend who recently passed away." She dabbed at her tears with a napkin and told me that she really tries not to cry about it. I remember thinking in that moment, you should never be ashamed to cry openly for the loss of someone that you love. I didn't speak these words to her as I barely knew her. I simply thought them.
In the process of dealing with my own sadness and my seemingly inordinate amount of tears over Meg, I remembered that moment in the restaurant. That memory helped me to give myself permission to openly cry and grieve the loss of my beloved companion. I think by this time, all of my friends have seen or heard me cry over this. I'm actually crying right this moment as I'm writing. We should never feel ashamed of expressing our love for another. Even if it is through tears after their loss. It is still love. Give yourself permission to cry when you are sad. It's actually healthy. I feel much better now that I've given myself that permission. Rest in Peace Dear Meg!